Showing posts with label Québec. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Québec. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Montréal, Québec, Canada 31.5.92: Churches and Walks in the Rain

A gray and drizzly Montréal day. We got up early and went to La Prairie to church, a church typically Québecoise. Then Stephen S. and Hillary C. came over for lunch, and after that, Steve and I walked up Côte St. Luc past the Oratory to Côte des Neiges, down Côte des Neiges a ways, back to Côte St. Luc and up to the Oratory, and then home. Two young men, both in their 20s apparently, accosted us separately to beg.

Got soaked coming back, as it began to rain again. Now waiting for supper, which Gregory is cooking—sweet-sour pork chops and red cabbage.

Tired. Did not sleep well last night, my stomach doing its old song and dance. Great emotional turmoil.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Montréal, Québec, Canada 30.5.92: Tons of Nuns and Old Farmhouses

Still in Montréal. A morning of sightseeing, in which we saw the old city and the McCord Museum of Canadian History (not impressive), and had lunch at an outdoor restaurant—viandes fumées (a chicken sandwich). Gregory and Shirley B., with whom we’re staying, very kind.

Just before we drove back to their apartment (where we are now) for a rest, we went over the Victoria Bridge to a working-class area of the city and a 17th-century farmhouse (1698) that had, I think the sign said, come to Marguerite Bourgeoys from Maisonneuve. But as 150 nuns were imminently expected, we didn’t stay to tour.

Emotionally, I’m a wreck—or dead inside would say it more accurately. . . . This feels like such a dreadful time for me, my heart swaddled in gray cotton wool. I feel I’ve lost all friends and family with what Belmont Abbey is doing to me—something brought home to me as I think of sending postcards—and have no real feeling about that loss, about touring, or about anything much, except a wish for it (or me) just to vanish.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Montréal, Québec, Canada 29.5.92: Giant Hot Dogs and Outmoded Ambulances for Sale

Left Boston at before noon, entered Québec about 4:30 after driving through New Hampshire and Vermont.

We’re now some 15 or 20 miles out of Montréal, and all is still that mix of little villages—all St. Périphérie de Chicamungee—and flat farmland with not much yet growing. The exuberance—and tawdriness—of it all. Just passed a giant statue of a man in a red shirt, COKE on his back, holding an enormous red phallic hot dog. Just down the road an ambulance from the 1950s seemingly, red light and all, by the side of the road, an à vendre sign in its front window.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Montréal, Québec, Canada 12.12.94: Winter Rooftops, Claustrophobic Apartments

In Montréal, watching steam (or is it smoke?) waft lazily out of chimneys in Snowdon on a rather cold (-20◦) morning. We’re in the 20th-story apartment of G. and S. Baum.

This is a difficult trip. In fact, I feel close to tears as I write, for no specific reason that I can identify. First, there’s the fact that things haven’t been good between Steve and me for weeks now, since Chicago and AAR.

There, Steve became distant, an old disappearing act. When this happens, it happens: no amount of anguished remonstration of fury can call him back. He recedes the more one rages. The receding confirms his cold power over me.

It’s not as if this distance marks every aspect of his relationship to me. That’s what’s maddening about it: it’s an inner inaccessibility that can go hand-in-hand with outer physical attentiveness.

I’m convinced, after enduring this vanishing-act business for years, that he doesn’t understand it, either—at least its roots. In the case of Chicago, I think one of its triggers was job interviews. They elicit all the old anxieties about how to identify ourselves in the workplace, and all Steve’s old strategies of blame, inherited from his father: if you weren’t attached to me (incubus to host), how I’d soar. What prancing white stallions would bear me on my mission.

Then, curiously (or not so curiously), when we went to the gay men’s seminar dinner at Chicago, Steve was wired. There was an element of forced gaiety about his behavior the whole evening.

So, long story short, we’ve spent the intervening weeks arguing fiercely, as we hadn’t done in some time now. In the Baltimore airport on the way to Montréal, got so bad I just walked away. He’s just not here, and when I try to share, he fidgets with a suitcase lock or blows his nose. Always.

Needless to say, then, being in G.’s and S.’s four-room apartment is painful in the extreme. The freak on exhibit. This is Steve’s country and not mine. This is where he betrayed me with R. and W. This is where he throve, to the extent that he tailored himself to straight male expectations, and I

Friday, February 6, 2009

Kelly’s Cross, Prince Edward Island, Canada 2.7.1983 (2): Lupine-Filled Ditches, Lobster Suppers

As to my trip: I left Toronto at 6:30 A.M. on the 28th. Couldn’t sleep, so awakened at 4 A.M., then again at 5:30, and got up. I drove that day without mishap to Rivière du Loup, Québec. Was lost briefly in Montréal, where I ate an apple—my one stop for food.

The stretch between Québec City and Rivière du Loup was gorgeous—or, I should say, part of this stretch was beautiful. The road ran along a river (I suppose the St. Laurent), with little villages and farms all along the valley, and a ridge of mountains in the background. It was very European-seeming—the farms are unusual to me, because long and narrow. I’m told this is so that each landholder can have a river landing, but I suspect it is as much due to a desire for conviviality, since this arrangement places the houses almost as close together as would be the case in a village. Frankly, I think that one loses in this way the chief advantage of country living, that is, seclusion. Must be my British roots. I feel “observed” even in the Québecois towns, where everyone sits on his porch and stares unabashedly.

Rivière du Loup was not a pretty town—or what I saw of it wasn’t. Yet its exoticness made it attractive—narrow winding streets, with houses butt onto them. Churches everywhere, ringing bells constantly.

Was so tired that all I did was eat and sleep. Walked down to a little café that had a menu of cabbage soup, poulet à l’estragon avec riz, and dessert (gateau à la carotte). The place had a nouvelle-cuisineish air, but the chicken was good, tender, and a nice-sized plate. Rude teens on a balcony near the café who peered over as I walked past, making mocking comments in a French they must not have known I could understand.

The second day, I was up again at 5:30, and on my way to PEI. For several miles into New Brunswick, one was still in Québec—villages clustered around a church, poverty, general clutter. With what seems in retrospect a dramatic suddenness, these gave way to exceptionally tidy farms, with houses built in the Maine style (continuous from house to barn). All this both attractive and frightening, because so pristine—I wonder what kind of people can paint and sweep and cut with such manic thoroughness. The French area had been not at all intimidating in this way, though strange to me.

This band of pristine farms did not persist all the way east, however. Gradually, the houses became shabbier, the farms more sprawling, etc. I felt very much at home from this point all the way east in Nova Scotia. My guess is that the neat area represents a band of Yankee intrusion, whereas the area east of this was settled by Loyalists, and is older and more run-down, thin-blooded. Had that feel, for sure.

I reached the Cape Tormentine-Borden ferry at just 4 P.M., and was directed aboard almost immediately. As with any long-expected moment about which one has fantasized, the ferry trip was something of a letdown. The suburban tourists with their raucous voices and undisciplined children were depressing. The brochures advertising waxwork museums, lobster suppers, replica castles, African safari reserves, were appalling. The blight of suburban American unreality has reached even here, and with a vengeance, it seems.

The only interesting feature of the ferry trip was the sea itself. The water was full of jellyfish straggling long tentacles; heard a wife tell her husband, “Look at the jellyfish, dear,” and he, in simulated black leather jacket and tight jeans, authoritatively informed her that they were seaweed, not jellyfish.

The water was very clear—a kind of brown-blue. I thought of all the tragic history this sea has seen, the boatloads of suffering people who have come across it—truly waters incarnadine.

PEI—well, it’s all they say: rolling green hills with tiny patches of fields, red dirt, glimpses of the sea everywhere. The people have an Irish sound, but not so pronounced as Newfoundlanders. They say “oice” for “ice,” and “lawv” for “love.”

The little community, Kelly’s Cross, seems to be all Irish. It’s strange how oppressive I find Irish Catholicism (strange in that I wouldn’t have done so some years back). The priest is a big high muck-muck, to whom all defer, and whom all seek out in the most childish manner.

Have had some sword-crossing with Fr. Kelly already over natural law and relativism. He sees natural law as the presence of the church’s trans-historical word. Won’t go into this.

Since I’ve been here: I’ve spent a hot afternoon in Charlottetown; have walked in the woods and fields behind the house, where I find daisies aplenty, bracken, clover, yarrow; have driven with Fr. Kelly and a friend to the easternmost point of the Island, where Fr. Kelly’s family have a cottage; have picked and eaten wild strawberries. The ditches are full of lupine in every shade of blue, purple, pink, white. I’ve hardly ever seen a lovelier sight.